Things People Don't Want to Tell You
Most people won’t tell you that you smell. So you should always assume that you do and do something to prevent it. I overheard a conversation on this topic from the people who sat in the row in front of me. A young woman arrived in gasps, struggling with her stuffed carry-on duffel bag as she found her friend in their assigned seats. A minute later she finally gathered herself and sat next to her friend who then said (pretty loudly that I heard it over the toddlers bickering in the aisle behind me) “Take two, you ran here so you know, the smell.” This immediately caught my curiosity and I stopped reading my book to listen to the other friend’s response. She thanked her and although I couldn’t see, I assumed she was handed some sort of body wipes, because I heard her take two heavy sniffs of whatever it was followed by hints of relief as she sighed.
“These smell good, lavender? Can you still smell me?” These are best friends for sure. “People should tell each other when they smell, because how else would you know?” Not a chuckle from either of them. This was deemed a serious conversation.
“That’s why I carry these with me. I mean if I had told you that you smelled and didn’t have them, that’s just rude. But if I have these, then I’m helping you right?” I couldn’t type fast enough on my Notes app, but that was the gist of her friend’s response.
And she’s right. It’s the same thing when you’ve just had a sandwich with onions and back at the office you’re talking to a group of co-workers and not one person had the forthright to hand you an Altoid or pull you aside and bluntly mention the foul stench of onions permeating from your mouth. I don’t think it’s unkind or rude to let someone know of a bad breath or odor situation, because like the two friends, all it is is helpful to the other person.
Don’t worry, this letter is not about people smelling, but other things that people don’t want to tell you.
That you hurt their feelings.
No one ever says outright as it’s happening that their feelings are being hurt. Fear of the outcome is too vulnerable and you’re already in a broken frame of mind. Would it change the situation if someone did come right out and say that you hurt their feelings? Not every person is equipped with coping mechanisms bought from a therapy session. But, I think the good option is to try and normalize telling someone that what they’re saying or doing is hurting your feelings, right then and there. And proceed accordingly.
